Category: Blog

It’s great to see the BBC broadcast ‘Against the Law’, a factual drama about the persecution of Edward Montagu and Peter Wildeblood. Their trial and the subsequent backlash of public opinion led to the Wolfenden Committee in 1957. Whilst Parliament took ten years to act on the recommendations of the report, with the Sexual Offences Act in 1967 Northern Ireland took another 15 years to pass the Homosexual Offences (Northern Ireland) Order in 1982. This was only adopted as a result of a European Court of Human Rights case. Hopefully BBC Northern Ireland will be as supportive in broadcasting LGBTQ+ issues within the Province in 15 year’s time.

– Raymond

Being part of a large family and growing up in a small town, I now look back and realise what a loving and supportive childhood we all had. I love where I grew up.  Our neighbours and friends were always close, and everyone helped each other out no matter what.

Coming into my teenage years I knew there was something different about me from my male friends and family members. Not knowing for sure exactly what that was at the age of 13, I can say now ten years after realising I was gay and keeping it to myself for so long, I don’t know why I was so scared to tell my family.

I will always remember the date I came out to my family: 4/9/15. This day was a big turning point in my life. Telling my family was the hardest thing I have achieved in all my 23 years.

Two years later, I now volunteer for The Rainbow Project in Belfast and I live here with my best friend too. I have met so many inspirational people through the project, and I’ve learnt a lot through their training programmes and by  volunteering. I have to say, I meet so many funny people on the nights when we volunteer. I get messages from lads, saying, ‘you gave me condoms last night’. I always feel like replying, ‘Durex loves safesex!’ ?

I’ve found that no matter what hurdles you face in life you should always look to the positive side of things and aim high for what you want. You make your life what you want it to be, no-one else does this for you. Yes, we meet old and new friends along the way, but I believe you should always enjoy what you have, as everything happens for a reason.

The moral of this story is seek and you shall find. Be positive in everything you do and with everyone you meet. Being happy and proud in life always helps you succeed.

I’ve found making your own decisions in life gets you to where you want to be. Being gay is not shameful, nor should you be embarrassed about it.

Gay is the new way… LOL!

– Ciaran

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It’s great to see changes in gay blood donation in the UK announced by the government. However, as always NI is behind the times, this only applies to a relaxing of rules in England and Scotland. Yet another, ‘devolved matter’, that will more than likely take years to bring in in NI due to the mess of the political situation here.

After the positive steps taken in NI in June 2016 with the life-time ban been lifted on gay men donating blood  supported by overwhelming evidence, it just seems like one step forward… but a much smaller step than we should be taking. It’s annoying that this will probably be because of politicians who, ironically, strive to keep our union together and strong. I hope I’m wrong, but with direct rule looming and a stale-mate between the two big parties I’ll be surprised if anything gets resolved anytime soon. Another LGBTQ+ matter which will disappear into their in-trays to be forgotten about again.

– Chris

Today I shared a video in the Let Us Eat Cake group on Facebook that came up in my newsfeed, titled, ‘What if we talked to straight couples the ridiculous way we talk to gay couples’. It reminded me of the numerous times I’ve been approached in pubs and bars in NI by complete strangers and told, ‘I love you guys. You’re so cute together. You make such a lovely couple. I have a gay best friend, you know, and he’s lovely.’ Normally, they go in for a hug, insist I add them on Facebook and keep in touch, and then they ask for a dance. Because, you know, all the gays throw moves like a ‘dancing queen’ and have the DNA trait to perform the ‘nobody puts baby in a corner’ dance ensemble from Dirty Dancing. I feel like saying, ‘Sorry, love, but I believe in personal space. I limit my friends on Facebook enough without having to wake up to posts from a complete stranger who changes their profile picture with her ten cats daily. And I couldn’t dance if you paid me, nor would I have the muscle strength to table lift a small child, never mind a fully grown woman!’ Okay, maybe I’m being a bit harsh and perhaps I’m over-reacting. But surely I’m not the only one who thinks this is odd. I feel awkward approaching a stranger to ask where the toilets are, let alone to begin delving into their sexuality and proclaiming my love for them.

This actually happened to me at a charity do, just after one of our first Let Us Eat Cake meetings. But, to be fair, she was lovely about it. And then it happened again a few weeks later with a group of ladies in a small quiet pub in Enniskillen. I know it’s not a big deal and it is nice that if I hug or kiss with my boyfriend in public then people support us. But it does make me feel like I don’t want the fuss though. Perhaps if I just stamped ‘gay but grumpy’ on my forehead it wouldn’t happen…

– Chris

I watched a programme on tele tonight called ’50 Shades of Gay’. I think it’s part of a wider BBC series on the theme of gay decriminalisation and gay history in the UK. The presenter, Rupert Everett, visited different gay people around the UK and chatted to older people about their experiences. Jeez, it opened my eyes to how gay people were treated and gay culture. I wish there were more programmes like this and more openly gay actors from the UK, more openly gay people in the entertainment industry full stop. More roles models for gay kids!

The first thing that struck me was how often he used the word ‘bent’. Not sure if this came up during our Let Us Eat Cake conversation maps, if not then it definitely has to go on there because I’ve heard this a lot in the past. When he used the word it made me uncomfortable. And thinking more about it, I thought about the definition. So I googled it. Obviously the simplest reason for using the word is because it’s the opposite of ‘straight’ in the sense of heterosexual. It was the synonyms of the adjective for bent that I found interesting.

Some of them – like ‘twisted’, ‘crooked’, ‘deformed’, ‘irregular’ etc. – have been used to insult gay people in the past to hurt them. This idea that we are not ‘fit-for-purpose’, ‘a round peg’, ‘a mistake of nature’, ‘deformed’ or ‘unnatural’… Like our parents should go back to God and ask for a new child using the Sale and Supply of Goods Act!

The second definition that popped out was the British informal use of the word to mean dishonest or corrupt, like ‘a bent cop’. With synonyms like ‘corruptible’, ‘fraudulent’, ‘criminal’, ‘lawless’, ‘villainous’ etc., this reminded me of some of the stuff we chatted about during our meetings. How language is important, how we can reclaim it, how it can be used, but how it can also be abused. I’m thinking I could use the word for my Gay Blood staged photo theme….. Would a caption like ‘Bent Blood’ be offensive??

One last thing that a gent on the programme said made me think too;

‘Is it better now that those people in society who are truly homophobic feel they can’t express themselves in public or they would come under fire… or was it better back then when they would shout and call you a faggot from across the street? At least back then you knew who to avoid’.

He makes an interesting point.

– Chris

What a fantastic day for Northern Ireland! So much love in one place, you could almost taste it in the air. It’s was such a positive feeling being with so many people with common purpose, knowing you’re all there together united for a reason that’s good and meaningful, free from hate and filled with love. Arguably, it’s the most beneficial and wonderful feeling all us homos-apians can experience.

The streets were lined with people from all cultures, ages, backgrounds, faiths and identities, and of course some who happened to stumble across the rally and after realising its purpose happily joined in. I love those guys in particular. It’s great to welcome them and let them see what we see, let them hear what we have to say, engage with them and chat. To show them we don’t bother traveling from the other end of the country and beyond just for a sassy glittery unicorn rainbow party… although that does sound amazing 🙂

Perhaps if some of our politicians did the same, and came and engaged with us, they’d be more open to changing their minds.

What made my day was actually before the rally began. I was busy handing out Love Equality badges and chatting to Raymond and Ciaran, and a woman approached us with her little boy. She was so happy to be given badges and proudly pinned one to her jacket and one on her little lad. He must have been about four or five years old. She chatted away with us for few minutes about her disbelief that equal marriage wasn’t legal, and said many of the same things we say all the time. But the whole time I couldn’t help just look at this little kid, and think I hope things are better for him when he’s my age. And what a wonderful mother who’ll raise him, to be accepting of others and to be accepted himself. And even if this mum is just one in a million – although all mums are the best and are 1 in a gazillion! – there’s hope for the next generation.

I’m sure there may have been a few people there whose passion for marriage equality, and through no fault of their own, felt different today. With their views having been ignored for many years and their own history and experiences as a LGBTQ+ citizen being unfortunately darker than mine. I did see some more – how can I say it – ‘politically directed with colorful language’ banners, indicating that some were taking the opportunity to voice their frustrations. Weirdly, their banner slogans seem more memorable to me, perhaps that’s the point. I’d say I have a lot to thank some of the older marchers for, they were, in some ways, the pioneers and the reason I’ve had an easier time of being gay than they have had.

Who can blame them? Imagine feeling you’re being ignored, with your opinions and voices unheard, being made to feel like a ‘lesser’ version of others in society, being barraged with abuse for simply being who you are. It is no wonder that after so much time being stepped on, called names, picked on, bullied, frowned upon, and being treated unequally, that eventually, just maybe, they might defend themselves, fight back and shout louder. If that seems ‘in your face’ to those who oppose LGBTQ+ people protesting in the streets at today’s march and during Pride, then stuff them!

The Marriage Equality rally today ended with some great speeches that were really inspiring. All the messages were positive. I’m sure they’ll be online. I hope the world sees!

– Chris

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Choosing where to go on holiday is hard enough, with costs, accommodation and airlines, but it’s even harder when you have to consider if the host country will accept, or at best, ‘tolerate’ who you are. (I hate the word tolerate. It’s awful to think that someone needs to consciously hold back and behave differently due to their own prejudices, and then feel all proud of themselves for being modern liberal people. Anyways… I digress.)

After searching with Ray, we eventually found a place in Gran Canaria and off we set for ten days in the sun. They have a Gay Tourist Map, which is always a welcome sign. On our first day we headed into a well-known gay area for a cold pint and to explore. As soon as we stepped into the area we could see the beautiful colours of rainbow flag streamers above a bar and I got an immediate feeling of ease. Murals and signage, for drag shows and gay clubs, were all around too. ‘This is fantastic!’, I thought. I felt safe and comfortable like being in the house at home.

It’s weird how powerful a flag can be, how those colors immediately make me feel I can relax and enjoy company with similar people. I’m really glad Raymond is going to be using the theme of flags, demarcation and identity for his staged photo for Let Us Eat Cake because it is so relevant. It’s interesting to think about whether this has more significance for people from NI, where flags and symbolic expressions of identity have such deep-rooted importance for people from all backgrounds in the community.

The streets and bars in the evening where full of same sex couples. They could openly hold hands, kiss, be affectionate and no one batted an eyelid… except me. Gay public displays of affection always immediately attract my attention, probably because it doesn’t happen much in NI through the fear of abuse or being accused of flaunting themselves in public.

It’s just so lovely to see people in love. People who may be at the beginning what could be a lifetime of devotion and adventure. People who may have had to travel across the world to be themselves and to be open.

There were plenty of straight people there too. Everyone loves a cheap cocktail with an umbrella, sparklers and a questionable amount of spirits! There was such a positive and ‘normal’ atmosphere with people going about their everyday business. Wish it was like this at home.

Everyone of them with their own histories and backgrounds. I like to dream and imagine the LGBTQ+ people have loving and accepting families and have had an easy life away from discrimination, but then in reality I’d guess quite a lot of them have had some form of negatively past experiences due their sexuality. Each with their own unique stories.

Wouldn’t it be amazing to think that in future we could travel the whole world and be open all the time? Wouldn’t it be lovely if we didn’t need Gay Maps to find out where it’s ‘okay to be gay’? Where we could show our commitment to our partners, or seek new love and meet people if we are single, without having to target a country where we know people of our ‘type’ would likely be. I’d love to think someday even I wouldn’t notice I’m surrounded by LGBTQ+ people. I would love to not have to be self-conscious and aware when I hold my partner’s hand at home, for us to be romantic and celebrate as a couple, to not look like two male friends until we feel we’re able to ‘announce’ we’re together.

We walked home in the evening holding hands and it was lovely. One of the best parts of the holiday, in fact. It’s something so simple, but we wouldn’t do this at home… unless we’ve had some Dutch-courage!

– Chris

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I think the name ‘Let Us Eat Cake’ might make people think we are targeting people that may be against gay views. This shouldn’t be the case though, everyone has their own points of view on this subject.

I also think, with gay men, there should be no doubt that they should be allowed to either adopt children or even have a surrogate in the future. No matter who the couple are. Gay / Bi-sexual / Lesbian / Trans… They shouldn’t be discriminated against when in a same sex relationship and want to have children together.

Being very family-oriented and a family man, I would love someday to meet the man who will love me and also one day want to settle and have children with myself.

No-one should have to be annoyed or discriminate against same-sex couples having children together. There are so many A-list celebrities that are married and have children together.

All people in today’s society and communities should be equal in every way.

If all people were born gay, would it be such a big thing if people had to come out as ‘straight’? Why should be frowned upon if / when people come out as LGBTQ+?

– Ciaran

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